Reflection 2

  After having a short presentation last week and meeting with professor, we found some mistakes we could solve before giving a formal speech.
  Joselin& Justine
I think it is good that our PPT use a simple and clear way. We use a lot of graphics instead of words. But we still needs to add an outline which can let others know our presentation. And we also have to add an title for each page. What's more, we can also change our topic into a more interesting one. It will catch viewers eye. And maybe our presentation can add a little drama or a Q&A time which will be fun. And I have to find an English video because the original one is Chinese. 
  
Eva& Vicky
  Their topic needs to be changed. Maybe they can add a subtitle like "adult videos in the relationship" below our topic. Or, before the presentation, they can explain the topic first, and then ask some question about adult videos. And they have to add an outline like us. I think their presentation is funny and interesting. The video is so impressing. I'm looking forward to seeing their presentation.

 Claire& Emily
   They can design a game as warm-up at the beginning of our presentation. If they have candies to give those who answer the questions is better.

Final paper

Abstract

        This research is about cohabitation before marriage. Cohabitation is a trend in modern society. I will use a lot of sources to explain the trend of cohabitation nowadays. And its effects to individual and even our society.

Premarital Cohabitation

        With the much opener society atmosphere, many people nowadays live with their lovers before marriage. A lot of college students and even high school students move together, not to mention adults. They think cohabitation as a fashionable and normal way in modern relationship. Cohabitation has advantages in some ways. However, it may lead to serious problems. This semester, my roommate moved out our dormitory and cohabited with her boyfriend. And it occurred to me that whether living together with the mate is appropriate or not. As far as I am concerned, I oppose the idea of premarital cohabitation. And I discussed it with other roommates many times. We have different viewpoints on this issue. That’s why we want to choose cohabitation as our topic.

        I am opposed to cohabitation. Because the negative side is more than positive side. It seems common to live with people whom we love and spend all of our time to be with them. However, living together is a big step in a relationship and it is also an important decision. Many couples live together just after in relationship. They even don't understand each other very well. They neglect the true meaning of cohabitation but only take on its convenience. It is likely to have fights at tiny things such as habits of daily life. These quarrels consume the sweet feeling of love and become burdens as time passes. The freshness of love will soon be replaced by annoyance.

        There are many reasons why cohabitation before marriage is improper. And the influence can be divided as three aspects: the romance itself, relationship with others, and connection with marriage.

        First of all, I talk about the aspects of romance itself. Cohabitation will make many big difference in getting along with each other. Living together means that you have to fit in each other’s living habits. You and your mate come from different family, there must be many things which need to be adjusted and accommodated. Maybe your mate's bad habits make you intolerable. If you don’t learn to communicate and accept it, you will break up soon.

Just as I mentioned above, many college students and even high school students once they are in the relationship, they cohabit with each other. Even though they don’t understand each other deeply. However, they are still teenagers and they are impulsive. Their mind is not mature enough. It is easily for them to do something regretful such as pregnancy. And they don’t know how to resolve it and take the responsibility.

What’s more, couples who live together are easily getting bored. At first, couples might be content with this kind of life style. Because they will have much more time to get along with. They enjoy their own world without other people. And they have no time to get along with their friends. But when time passes, their life will become exhausted. Every day you come home, you face the same person. You two having dinner, watching TV or do anything else together. It becomes a routine. You are not excited when you see him. And the freshness of love disappears rapidly.

Second is the aspect of relationship with other people. Many parents think it is inappropriate to cohabit before marriage. And the children who have the experience of cohabitation are afraid to tell their parents and hide the truth. Children think their parents are too conventional to accept the concept of cohabitation. And they think it is an embarrassing scandal to let other people know. But I think parents are not conventional but care about their children. How will others think about a girl who lives with her boyfriend? There must be lots of rumors and gossip. Her value might be lower. And it is harmful for a girl's chastity.

Moreover, if you live with your mate, you will have no time to get along with your friends. And you will find out that you are gradually isolated from them.

Third, the trend of cohabitation affects people’s belief of marriage. Some people think the experience of cohabitation can weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Both research of Taiwan and America says that people who have the experience of cohabitation have lower marriage values. Nowadays, more and more people live with lovers before marriage. The reason why most people agree cohabitation before marriage is that couples can know each other deeply and swiftly. They believe that it is better for a relationship. Some people are even satisfied with current situation and have no desire to get married. They think marriage is a bound; while cohabitation is still free. The relationship will be stopped and make no progress. In our society, we have to take the responsibility of procreation. When people reach the marriageable age, they are forced to get married. Women usually see cohabitation as a step toward marriage; while men only view it as a way to test a relationship. If your mate just wants to cohabit and have no preparation for marriage, the discord will cause conflicts and even put the relationship to an end.

Cohabitation will decrease the desire of marriage. It can make couples enjoy the happiness of marriage and don't need to be limited. They don't have to go through the responsibility in marriage. It will make people think that marriage is troublesome and not beneficial at all. So couples stop at this stage and make no progress like getting married. As a result, many of couples have been cohabiting for a long time and don't get married. Some couples even break up ultimately after cohabiting many years. For the poor, cohabitation is an alternative of marriage. After getting married, the expense of life will become much more than before. And you have to own car and house to build your own family. In order to avoid economical spending, poor people choose cohabitation instead of marriage.

On the other hand, cohabitation will increase the rate of divorce. I find a source which was entitled The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia. In this piece, the writer wrote'' About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.'' Couples who use cohabitation as a test are more likely to be the victims of poor relationship quality and eventual relationship dissolution. One of his patients named Jennifer faced the problem of divorce even though she had cohabited with her boyfriend for more than four years.

Jay talked about cohabitation effect in the writing'' Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.'' The risks of cohabitation might be that couples live together gradually. And he thought that the process is like a slope. Most lovers said it just happened bypassing talking about why they want to live together and what it would mean.

From the essay Cohabitation, Marriage Values and Marital Satisfaction: A Study of Taiwan society, written by Yi-Yin Jung and Ming-Chang Tsai, people who cohabit with mates have different values from others. They don't think that marriage is to fulfill parents' expectation or the obligation of procreation. They may pay more attention to intimacy and romance. If there is something wrong in their relationship, they are easily have quarrels and even break up.

Men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers.[graph1]

According to things discussed above, it is obvious that cohabitation is not the assurance of a happy and wonderful marriage. On the contrary, couples are more easily to get divorce because of differences. It might weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Since cohabitation is such an important issue, we all have to think thoroughly.

Reference

1.     Living together for love, Yi- Xin Huang, published by Gao-Lin International AG P.145~147

2.     Cohabitation, Marriage Values and Marital Satisfaction: A Study of Taiwan society written by Yi-Yin Jung and Ming-Chang Tsai.

3.     The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia.

4.     Men and Women Often Expect Different Things When They Move In Together, written by W. Brad Wilcox who is a sociologist.

Final transcription

There are many reasons why cohabitation before marriage is improper. And the influence can be divided as three aspects: the romance itself, relationship with others, and impact on marriage.

First of all, I talk about the aspects of romance itself. Cohabitation will make many big differences in getting along with each other.

Living habits

Living together means that you have to fit in each other's living habits. You and your mate come from different family, there must be many things which need to be adjusted and accommodated. Maybe your mate's bad habits make you intolerable. If you don’t learn to communicate and accept it, you will break up soon.

Not mature enough

Many college students and even high school students once they are in the relationship, they cohabit with each other. Even though they don’t understand each other deeply. However, they are still teenagers and they are impulsive. Their mind is not mature enough. It is easily for them to do something regretful such as pregnancy. And they don’t know how to resolve it and take the responsibility.

No more romance

 Couples living together are easily getting bored. At first, couples might be content with this kind of life style. Because they will have much more time to get along with. They enjoy their own world without other people. And they have no time to get along with their friends.

But when time passes, their life will become exhausted. Every day you come home, you face the same person. You two having dinner, watching TV or do anything else together. It becomes routine. You are not excited when you see him. And the freshness of love disappears rapidly.

Second is the aspect of relationship with other people.

Friends

If you live with your mate, you will have no time to get along with your friends. And you will find out that you are gradually isolated from them.

Parents

Many parents think it is inappropriate to cohabit before marriage. And the children who have the experience of cohabitation are afraid to tell their parents and hide the truth. Children think their parents are too conventional to accept the concept of cohabitation. But I think parents are not conventional but care about their children. How will others think about a girl who lives with her boyfriend? There must be lots of rumors and gossip. Her value might be lower. And it is harmful for a girl's chastity.

Third, the trend of cohabitation affects people’s belief of marriage. Some people think the experience of cohabitation will weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Both research of Taiwan and America says that people who have the experience of cohabitation have lower marriage values. Nowadays, more and more people live with lovers before marriage. The reason why most people agree cohabitation before marriage is that couples can know each other deeply and swiftly. They believe that it is better for a relationship. However, some people are satisfied with current situation and have no desire to get married. They think marriage is a bound; while cohabitation is still free. The relationship will be stopped and make no progress. So, cohabitation influences people’s desire of marriage and the rate of divorce.

Decrease the desire of marriage

Cohabitation can make couples enjoy the happiness of marriage and don't need to be limited. They don't have to go through the responsibility in marriage. It will make people think that marriage is troublesome and not beneficial at all. So couples stop at this stage and make no progress like getting married. As a result, many of couples have been cohabiting for a long time and don't get married. Some couples even break up ultimately after cohabiting many years. For the poor, cohabitation is an alternative of marriage. After getting married, the expense of life will become much more than before. And you have to own car and house to build your own family. In order to avoid economical spending, poor people choose cohabitation instead of marriage.

Increase the rate of divorce

On the other hand, cohabitation will increase the rate of divorce. I find a source which was entitled The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia.

Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect. Couples who use cohabitation as a test are more likely to be the victims of poor relationship quality and eventual relationship dissolution. One of his patients named Jennifer faced the problem of divorce even though she had cohabited with her boyfriend for more than four years.

And he also mentioned the risks lie in cohabitation itself-cohabitation is a problem and has nothing to with individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. The risks of cohabitation might be that couples live together gradually. And he thought that the process is like a slope. (dating-sleep over-sleep over a lot- cohabiting)Most lovers said it just happened bypassing talking about why they want to live together and what it would mean.

From the chart, we can find out that men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers. Women usually see cohabitation as a step toward marriage; while men only view it as a way to test a relationship. In our society, we have to take the responsibility of procreation. When people reach the marriageable age, they are forced to get married. If your mate just wants to cohabit and have no preparation for marriage, the discord will cause conflicts and even put the relationship to an end.

Conclusion

According to things discussed above, it is obvious that cohabitation is not the assurance of a happy and wonderful marriage.

And it is not a good way for every relationship.

It might weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination.

So, think twice before cohabitation.

Annotation 4 revision

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/07/men-and-women-often-expect-different-things-when-they-move-in-together/277571/ 
 It is a writing which is entitled Men and Women Often Expect Different Things When They Move In Together. And it is written by W. Brad Wilcox who is a sociologist. He suggests that men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers. This study's findings about low commitment and the gender mismatch in cohabiting adults' expectations suggest three cautionary notes for young adults considering moving in together:
    Talk about the future. Couples, but especially women, should be aware that their partner may not be committed to a common future. A long-term cohabiting relationship may prove to be an obstacle, rather than a springboard, to many young people's goal of getting married and starting a family. Defining the commitment in the relationship is a matter best addressed before cohabitation.

    Get on the same page. Couples are more likely to flourish when they share common, clearly communicated goals for their relationship. But now different people see cohabitation variously as a courtship phase, an economical way to save on rent, a place for convenient sex, a preparation to getting serious, or an alternative to marriage. Young adults often end up living with someone who doesn't share their relational goals. Couples considering living together would be wise to talk through the goals they want to accomplish in that move, and make sure they are on the same page.

    Don't slide into marriage. Cohabiting couples are in for trouble when they "slide" into cohabitation and then marriage rather than "decide" to take the same steps. Many couples begin living together without clear expectations, common values, or a shared commitment to one another. And after a time, some of these couples get married, in part because friends, family, and they themselves think it's the logical next step. But instead of purposely deciding to deepen their commitment to one another, the couples who slide into cohabitation and marriage without common values and a shared sense of commitment, are more likely to divorce.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brzzg6TEJic

 The video wants to let people know the truth of cohabitation. According to my annotation 3, the reason why many people agree cohabitation is that it can make couples understand each other better. However, there are a lot of things which we don't know behind cohabitation. These are called facts. And the video gives six aspects.
    First, cohabitation does not necessarily lead to marriage. In fact, 40% of cohabiting couples break up within 5 years. 
    Cohabitation increases divorce rate.
    Cohabiting parents are 170% more likely to break up.
    Children who have cohabiting parents are more likely to have emotional and social problems, including drug use, depression, and dropping out of school.
    Children cohabiting household are at least three times more likely to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused than children from intact marriages between biological parents. 
    The statistic says in the USA, over 40% of children live in cohabiting homes.
    The truth is that cohabitation is creating unstable family.

Annotation 2 revision

The following is what I find from an essay which is entitled Cohabitation, Marriage Values and Marital Satisfaction: A Study of Taiwan society written by Yi-Yin Jung and Ming-Chang Tsai.
   It points out why people who cohabit before marriage have lower marital satisfaction. There are three main points:
    1. For the poor, cohabitation is an alternative of marriage. The rate of divorce is related to low social status and poverty. So it is possible that cohabitation will lead to divorce.
    2. People who cohabit with mates have different values from others. They don't think that marriage is to fulfill parents' expectation or the obligation of procreation. They may pay more attention to intimacy and romance. If there is something wrong in their relationship, they are easily have quarrels and even break up.
    3. Some people think the experience of cohabitation can weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Cohabitation can let people enjoy some advantages of marriage, such as getting along with lover all the day. However, you don't have to go through the responsibility in marriage. It will make people think that marriage is troublesome and not beneficial at all.
    It shows that cohabitation before marriage doesn't help people get married; instead, it decrease the rate of marriage and increase the rate of divorce.

Annotation 3 revision

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

    It is the link of the piece which was entitled The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia. The reason why most people agree cohabitation before marriage is that couples can know each other deeply and swiftly. They believe that it is better for a relationship. However, the writer opposed the belief. 
    In this piece, the writer wrote''  About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.'' Couples who use cohabitation as a test are more likely to be the victims of poor relationship quality and and eventual relationship dissolution. One of his patients named Jennifer faced the problem of divorce even though she had cohabited with her boyfriend for more than four years. According to this case, we can know cohabitation is not the assurance of a happy and wonderful marriage. On the contrary, couples are more easily to get divorce. 
    Jay talked about cohabitation effect in the writing'' Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.''  The risks of cohabitation might be that couples live together gradually. And he thought that the process is like a slope.   Most lovers said it just happened bypassing talking about why they want to live together and what it would mean. Most women who cohabit view cohabitation as a step toward marriage; while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or to postpone commitment.
    ''Sliding into cohabitation wouldn’t be a problem if sliding out were as easy.Living together can be fun and economical, and the setup costs are subtly woven in. After years of living among roommates’ junky old stuff, couples happily split the rent on a nice one-bedroom apartment. They share wireless and pets and enjoy shopping for new furniture together. Later, these setup and switching costs have an impact on how likely they are to leave.'' The patient said it is hard to break up because they shared same furniture, same dog, and they had same group of friends.  The reason why they got married was simply because they reach their 30s and it was time to form a family.

Annotation 4

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/07/men-and-women-often-expect-different-things-when-they-move-in-together/277571/

    It is a writing which is entitled Men and Women Often Expect Different Things When They Move In Together. And it is written by W. Brad Wilcox who is a sociologist. He suggests that men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers. This study's findings about low commitment and the gender mismatch in cohabiting adults' expectations suggest three cautionary notes for young adults considering moving in together:
    Talk about the future. Couples, but especially women, should be aware that their partner may not be committed to a common future. A long-term cohabiting relationship may prove to be an obstacle, rather than a springboard, to many young people's goal of getting married and starting a family. Defining the commitment in the relationship is a matter best addressed before cohabitation.

    Get on the same page. Couples are more likely to flourish when they share common, clearly communicated goals for their relationship. But now different people see cohabitation variously as a courtship phase, an economical way to save on rent, a place for convenient sex, a preparation to getting serious, or an alternative to marriage. Young adults often end up living with someone who doesn't share their relational goals. Couples considering living together would be wise to talk through the goals they want to accomplish in that move, and make sure they are on the same page.

    Don't slide into marriage. Cohabiting couples are in for trouble when they "slide" into cohabitation and then marriage rather than "decide" to take the same steps. Many couples begin living together without clear expectations, common values, or a shared commitment to one another. And after a time, some of these couples get married, in part because friends, family, and they themselves think it's the logical next step. But instead of purposely deciding to deepen their commitment to one another, the couples who slide into cohabitation and marriage without common values and a shared sense of commitment, are more likely to divorce.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brzzg6TEJic

    The video wants to let people know the truth of cohabitation. According to my annotation 3, the reason why many people agree cohabitation is that it can make couples understand each other better. However, there are a lot of things which we don't know behind cohabitation. These are called facts. And the video gives six aspects.
    First, cohabitation does not necessarily lead to marriage. In fact, 40% of cohabiting couples break up within 5 years. 
    Cohabitation increases divorce rate.
    Cohabiting parents are 170% more likely to break up.
    Children who have cohabiting parents are more likely to have emotional and social problems, including drug use, depression, and dropping out of school.
    Children cohabiting household are at least three times more likely to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused than children from intact marriages between biological parents. 
    The statistic says in the USA, over 40% of children live in cohabiting homes.
    The truth is that cohabitation is creating unstable family.