Final paper

Abstract

        This research is about cohabitation before marriage. Cohabitation is a trend in modern society. I will use a lot of sources to explain the trend of cohabitation nowadays. And its effects to individual and even our society.

Premarital Cohabitation

        With the much opener society atmosphere, many people nowadays live with their lovers before marriage. A lot of college students and even high school students move together, not to mention adults. They think cohabitation as a fashionable and normal way in modern relationship. Cohabitation has advantages in some ways. However, it may lead to serious problems. This semester, my roommate moved out our dormitory and cohabited with her boyfriend. And it occurred to me that whether living together with the mate is appropriate or not. As far as I am concerned, I oppose the idea of premarital cohabitation. And I discussed it with other roommates many times. We have different viewpoints on this issue. That’s why we want to choose cohabitation as our topic.

        I am opposed to cohabitation. Because the negative side is more than positive side. It seems common to live with people whom we love and spend all of our time to be with them. However, living together is a big step in a relationship and it is also an important decision. Many couples live together just after in relationship. They even don't understand each other very well. They neglect the true meaning of cohabitation but only take on its convenience. It is likely to have fights at tiny things such as habits of daily life. These quarrels consume the sweet feeling of love and become burdens as time passes. The freshness of love will soon be replaced by annoyance.

        There are many reasons why cohabitation before marriage is improper. And the influence can be divided as three aspects: the romance itself, relationship with others, and connection with marriage.

        First of all, I talk about the aspects of romance itself. Cohabitation will make many big difference in getting along with each other. Living together means that you have to fit in each other’s living habits. You and your mate come from different family, there must be many things which need to be adjusted and accommodated. Maybe your mate's bad habits make you intolerable. If you don’t learn to communicate and accept it, you will break up soon.

Just as I mentioned above, many college students and even high school students once they are in the relationship, they cohabit with each other. Even though they don’t understand each other deeply. However, they are still teenagers and they are impulsive. Their mind is not mature enough. It is easily for them to do something regretful such as pregnancy. And they don’t know how to resolve it and take the responsibility.

What’s more, couples who live together are easily getting bored. At first, couples might be content with this kind of life style. Because they will have much more time to get along with. They enjoy their own world without other people. And they have no time to get along with their friends. But when time passes, their life will become exhausted. Every day you come home, you face the same person. You two having dinner, watching TV or do anything else together. It becomes a routine. You are not excited when you see him. And the freshness of love disappears rapidly.

Second is the aspect of relationship with other people. Many parents think it is inappropriate to cohabit before marriage. And the children who have the experience of cohabitation are afraid to tell their parents and hide the truth. Children think their parents are too conventional to accept the concept of cohabitation. And they think it is an embarrassing scandal to let other people know. But I think parents are not conventional but care about their children. How will others think about a girl who lives with her boyfriend? There must be lots of rumors and gossip. Her value might be lower. And it is harmful for a girl's chastity.

Moreover, if you live with your mate, you will have no time to get along with your friends. And you will find out that you are gradually isolated from them.

Third, the trend of cohabitation affects people’s belief of marriage. Some people think the experience of cohabitation can weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Both research of Taiwan and America says that people who have the experience of cohabitation have lower marriage values. Nowadays, more and more people live with lovers before marriage. The reason why most people agree cohabitation before marriage is that couples can know each other deeply and swiftly. They believe that it is better for a relationship. Some people are even satisfied with current situation and have no desire to get married. They think marriage is a bound; while cohabitation is still free. The relationship will be stopped and make no progress. In our society, we have to take the responsibility of procreation. When people reach the marriageable age, they are forced to get married. Women usually see cohabitation as a step toward marriage; while men only view it as a way to test a relationship. If your mate just wants to cohabit and have no preparation for marriage, the discord will cause conflicts and even put the relationship to an end.

Cohabitation will decrease the desire of marriage. It can make couples enjoy the happiness of marriage and don't need to be limited. They don't have to go through the responsibility in marriage. It will make people think that marriage is troublesome and not beneficial at all. So couples stop at this stage and make no progress like getting married. As a result, many of couples have been cohabiting for a long time and don't get married. Some couples even break up ultimately after cohabiting many years. For the poor, cohabitation is an alternative of marriage. After getting married, the expense of life will become much more than before. And you have to own car and house to build your own family. In order to avoid economical spending, poor people choose cohabitation instead of marriage.

On the other hand, cohabitation will increase the rate of divorce. I find a source which was entitled The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia. In this piece, the writer wrote'' About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.'' Couples who use cohabitation as a test are more likely to be the victims of poor relationship quality and eventual relationship dissolution. One of his patients named Jennifer faced the problem of divorce even though she had cohabited with her boyfriend for more than four years.

Jay talked about cohabitation effect in the writing'' Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.'' The risks of cohabitation might be that couples live together gradually. And he thought that the process is like a slope. Most lovers said it just happened bypassing talking about why they want to live together and what it would mean.

From the essay Cohabitation, Marriage Values and Marital Satisfaction: A Study of Taiwan society, written by Yi-Yin Jung and Ming-Chang Tsai, people who cohabit with mates have different values from others. They don't think that marriage is to fulfill parents' expectation or the obligation of procreation. They may pay more attention to intimacy and romance. If there is something wrong in their relationship, they are easily have quarrels and even break up.

Men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers.[graph1]

According to things discussed above, it is obvious that cohabitation is not the assurance of a happy and wonderful marriage. On the contrary, couples are more easily to get divorce because of differences. It might weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Since cohabitation is such an important issue, we all have to think thoroughly.

Reference

1.     Living together for love, Yi- Xin Huang, published by Gao-Lin International AG P.145~147

2.     Cohabitation, Marriage Values and Marital Satisfaction: A Study of Taiwan society written by Yi-Yin Jung and Ming-Chang Tsai.

3.     The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia.

4.     Men and Women Often Expect Different Things When They Move In Together, written by W. Brad Wilcox who is a sociologist.