2013年12月29日 星期日

Annotation 4 revision

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/07/men-and-women-often-expect-different-things-when-they-move-in-together/277571/ 
 It is a writing which is entitled Men and Women Often Expect Different Things When They Move In Together. And it is written by W. Brad Wilcox who is a sociologist. He suggests that men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers. This study's findings about low commitment and the gender mismatch in cohabiting adults' expectations suggest three cautionary notes for young adults considering moving in together:
    Talk about the future. Couples, but especially women, should be aware that their partner may not be committed to a common future. A long-term cohabiting relationship may prove to be an obstacle, rather than a springboard, to many young people's goal of getting married and starting a family. Defining the commitment in the relationship is a matter best addressed before cohabitation.
    Get on the same page. Couples are more likely to flourish when they share common, clearly communicated goals for their relationship. But now different people see cohabitation variously as a courtship phase, an economical way to save on rent, a place for convenient sex, a preparation to getting serious, or an alternative to marriage. Young adults often end up living with someone who doesn't share their relational goals. Couples considering living together would be wise to talk through the goals they want to accomplish in that move, and make sure they are on the same page.
    Don't slide into marriage. Cohabiting couples are in for trouble when they "slide" into cohabitation and then marriage rather than "decide" to take the same steps. Many couples begin living together without clear expectations, common values, or a shared commitment to one another. And after a time, some of these couples get married, in part because friends, family, and they themselves think it's the logical next step. But instead of purposely deciding to deepen their commitment to one another, the couples who slide into cohabitation and marriage without common values and a shared sense of commitment, are more likely to divorce.
 The video wants to let people know the truth of cohabitation. According to my annotation 3, the reason why many people agree cohabitation is that it can make couples understand each other better. However, there are a lot of things which we don't know behind cohabitation. These are called facts. And the video gives six aspects.
    First, cohabitation does not necessarily lead to marriage. In fact, 40% of cohabiting couples break up within 5 years. 
    Cohabitation increases divorce rate.
    Cohabiting parents are 170% more likely to break up.
    Children who have cohabiting parents are more likely to have emotional and social problems, including drug use, depression, and dropping out of school.
    Children cohabiting household are at least three times more likely to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused than children from intact marriages between biological parents. 
    The statistic says in the USA, over 40% of children live in cohabiting homes.
    The truth is that cohabitation is creating unstable family.

Annotation 2 revision

The following is what I find from an essay which is entitled Cohabitation, Marriage Values and Marital Satisfaction: A Study of Taiwan society written by Yi-Yin Jung and Ming-Chang Tsai.
   It points out why people who cohabit before marriage have lower marital satisfaction. There are three main points:
    1. For the poor, cohabitation is an alternative of marriage. The rate of divorce is related to low social status and poverty. So it is possible that cohabitation will lead to divorce.
    2. People who cohabit with mates have different values from others. They don't think that marriage is to fulfill parents' expectation or the obligation of procreation. They may pay more attention to intimacy and romance. If there is something wrong in their relationship, they are easily have quarrels and even break up.
    3. Some people think the experience of cohabitation can weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. Cohabitation can let people enjoy some advantages of marriage, such as getting along with lover all the day. However, you don't have to go through the responsibility in marriage. It will make people think that marriage is troublesome and not beneficial at all.
    It shows that cohabitation before marriage doesn't help people get married; instead, it decrease the rate of marriage and increase the rate of divorce.

2013年12月25日 星期三

Annotation 3 revision

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

    It is the link of the piece which was entitled The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage written by clinic psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia. The reason why most people agree cohabitation before marriage is that couples can know each other deeply and swiftly. They believe that it is better for a relationship. However, the writer opposed the belief. 
    In this piece, the writer wrote''  About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.'' Couples who use cohabitation as a test are more likely to be the victims of poor relationship quality and and eventual relationship dissolution. One of his patients named Jennifer faced the problem of divorce even though she had cohabited with her boyfriend for more than four years. According to this case, we can know cohabitation is not the assurance of a happy and wonderful marriage. On the contrary, couples are more easily to get divorce. 
    Jay talked about cohabitation effect in the writing'' Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.''  The risks of cohabitation might be that couples live together gradually. And he thought that the process is like a slope.   Most lovers said it just happened bypassing talking about why they want to live together and what it would mean. Most women who cohabit view cohabitation as a step toward marriage; while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or to postpone commitment.
    ''Sliding into cohabitation wouldn’t be a problem if sliding out were as easy.Living together can be fun and economical, and the setup costs are subtly woven in. After years of living among roommates’ junky old stuff, couples happily split the rent on a nice one-bedroom apartment. They share wireless and pets and enjoy shopping for new furniture together. Later, these setup and switching costs have an impact on how likely they are to leave.'' The patient said it is hard to break up because they shared same furniture, same dog, and they had same group of friends.  The reason why they got married was simply because they reach their 30s and it was time to form a family.

Annotation 4

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/07/men-and-women-often-expect-different-things-when-they-move-in-together/277571/

    It is a writing which is entitled Men and Women Often Expect Different Things When They Move In Together. And it is written by W. Brad Wilcox who is a sociologist. He suggests that men are more likely than women to be not "completely committed" to their partners. Cohabiting young adults have significantly lower levels of commitment than their married peers. This study's findings about low commitment and the gender mismatch in cohabiting adults' expectations suggest three cautionary notes for young adults considering moving in together:
    Talk about the future. Couples, but especially women, should be aware that their partner may not be committed to a common future. A long-term cohabiting relationship may prove to be an obstacle, rather than a springboard, to many young people's goal of getting married and starting a family. Defining the commitment in the relationship is a matter best addressed before cohabitation.
    Get on the same page. Couples are more likely to flourish when they share common, clearly communicated goals for their relationship. But now different people see cohabitation variously as a courtship phase, an economical way to save on rent, a place for convenient sex, a preparation to getting serious, or an alternative to marriage. Young adults often end up living with someone who doesn't share their relational goals. Couples considering living together would be wise to talk through the goals they want to accomplish in that move, and make sure they are on the same page.
    Don't slide into marriage. Cohabiting couples are in for trouble when they "slide" into cohabitation and then marriage rather than "decide" to take the same steps. Many couples begin living together without clear expectations, common values, or a shared commitment to one another. And after a time, some of these couples get married, in part because friends, family, and they themselves think it's the logical next step. But instead of purposely deciding to deepen their commitment to one another, the couples who slide into cohabitation and marriage without common values and a shared sense of commitment, are more likely to divorce.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brzzg6TEJic

    The video wants to let people know the truth of cohabitation. According to my annotation 3, the reason why many people agree cohabitation is that it can make couples understand each other better. However, there are a lot of things which we don't know behind cohabitation. These are called facts. And the video gives six aspects.
    First, cohabitation does not necessarily lead to marriage. In fact, 40% of cohabiting couples break up within 5 years. 
    Cohabitation increases divorce rate.
    Cohabiting parents are 170% more likely to break up.
    Children who have cohabiting parents are more likely to have emotional and social problems, including drug use, depression, and dropping out of school.
    Children cohabiting household are at least three times more likely to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused than children from intact marriages between biological parents. 
    The statistic says in the USA, over 40% of children live in cohabiting homes.
    The truth is that cohabitation is creating unstable family.

 

2013年12月22日 星期日

Transcription 2

I am going to talk about the negative side of cohabitation.
Not mature enough
Many college students and even high school students once they are in the relationship, they cohabit with each other, even they don’t understand each other deeply. But they are still teenagers and they are impulsive. Their mind is not mature enough. So it is easily for them to do something regretful like pregnancy. And they don’t know how to resolve it and take the responsibility.
 Living habits
Living together means that you have to fit in each other's living habits. You and your mate come from different family, there must be many things which need to be adjusted and accommodated. Maybe your mate's bad habits make you intolerable. If you don’t learn to communicate and accept it, you will break up soon.
No more romance
Couples living together are easily getting bored. At first, couples might be content with this life style. Because they have much more time to get along with each other. They enjoy their own world without other people. But when time passes, their life will become exhausted. Every day you come home, you face the same person. You two having dinner, watching TV or do something else together. It becomes a routine. You are not excited when you see him. And the freshness of love will vanish.
    OK, let's watch a video. According to the video, we can know most parents are opposed their children to cohabit with their lovers. And the children who have the experience of cohabitation, they hide the truth and don't tell their parents. Because they think their parents are conventional and cannot accept the concept of cohabitation. But parents care about their kids. If you are parents, will you allow your children to cohabit with other people? I think it's no. 
  OK then cohabitation can decrease the desire of marriage and increase the rate of divorce.
  Why it decrease the desire of marriage?
  Cohabitation can make couples enjoy the happiness of marriage and don't be limited. They don't have to go through the responsibility in marriage. It will make people think that marriage is troublesome and not beneficial at all. So couples stop at this stage and make no progress. And what's more,women usually see cohabitation as a step toward marriage; but men don't think so. They only see it as a way to test a relationship and don't want to make commitment.
  And why cohabitation increase the rate of divorce?
   My resource is from Meg Jay. He is a clinic psychologist. And he wrote The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage. Many people agree cohabitation before marriage is because couples can know each other deeply and quickly. They believe that it is good for a relationship. However, the writer disagree the belief. One of his patients is Jennifer. She had been cohabiting with her boyfriend for more than 4years. And they decided to get married. But after 1year,Jennifer wanted to get divorce. She is the victim of cohabitation effect. What is cohabitation effect. Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to be less satisfied with their marriages than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called cohabitation effect.
And the writer also mentioned The risk lies in cohabitation itself-cohabitation is a problem and has nothing to with individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. The risks of cohabitation might be that couples live together gradually. From dating to sleep over to sleep over a lot and finally cohabit. And the writer described the process as a slope. Most lovers said it just happened bypassing talking about why they want to live together and what it would mean. 
Conclusion
Cohabitation is not the assurance of a happy and wonderful marriage. And it is not a good way for every relationship. It might weaken the faith that marriage is a permanent combination. So, think twice before cohabitation.

2013年12月1日 星期日

Annotation 1 revision

    With the social atmosphere becomes opener, many people think that it is not a big deal to live together with their lovers. Cohabitation is a fleeting way to know a person. Because you spend most of time getting along with the same person, the relationship leaps and bounds. However, there are two sides of cohabitation. Before reaching a stable relationship, couples who live together are easily to have fights and break up at the end. Because they don't understand each other deeply, there must be many things which need communicating and coordinating. And these trivia consumes the imagination of romance which will be replaced by annoyance. If they don't reach an agreement, it will lead to a sad ending. 
     There are many reasons why cohabitation before marriage is improper:
     1. Many people are not mature enough to take the responsibility of the consequences of cohabitation
     2. No more enthusiasm and romance
     3. Face the dilemma when one wants to get married while the other doesn't
     4. There is no commitment lack of identity
     -from ''living together for love'', Yi- Xin Huang, published by Gao-Lin International AG
    What's more, I think couples living together are easily getting bored in a relationship. If cohabiting, couples will have much more time to get along with. At first, couples might be content with this kind of life style. They are like gums sticking all day long. They enjoy their own world without hanging out with their friends. But when time passes, their life will become exhausted. Facing the same person all the time makes the freshness and passion of love vanish rapidly. Eventually, they will find out that what remains in their world is only themselves. Living together means that you have to fit in each other's living habits. You and your mate come from different family, there must be many things which need to be adjusted and accommodated. You will gradually discover your mate's bad habits which make you intolerable. Not knowing how to dissolve the dilemma, you will destroy your relationship.
    Nowadays, more and more people live with lovers before marriage. Many couples have been cohabited for a long time and don't get married. Some couples even break up ultimately after cohabiting many years. Many people think marriage is a bound; while cohabitation is still free. They can enjoy the happiness and don't need to be limited. They are satisfied with current situation and have no desire to get married. The relationship will be stopped and make no progress. In our society, we have to take the responsibility of procreation. When people reach the marriageable age, they are forced to get married. If your mate just wants to cohabit and have no preparation for marriage, the discord will cause conflicts and even put the relationship to an end.  
     According to the video, many parents think it is inappropriate to cohabit before marriage. And the children who have the experience of cohabitation are afraid to tell their parents the fact that they live with their boyfriends or girlfriends. In their opinion, parents will forbid them from living together certainly. And they think it is an embarrassing scandal to let other people know. How will others think about a girl who lives with her boyfriend? There must be lots of rumors and gossip. This kind of girls' value might be lower. And it is harmful for a girl's chastity. Many people live with their lovers when they are in college. It seems common to live with whom we love and spend most of time with them. Nevertheless, collage students are not mature enough. They just turn into adults and learn to take responsibility. Both male and female are impulsive at this stage, it is possible that they do something regretful.